Always Alone
by Lord Rebecca-sama
Summary: Or Why the TARDIS Changed the Desktop. The Doctor is grieving. River tried to help him, but she left, too. He's a mess. He has to get the Ponds back; he will do ANYTHING, even try to get the TARDIS into New York 1938. The TARDIS does not agree with his choice. Set after Angels of Manhattan and before The Snowmen.


**WARNING: Stages of grief. Spoilers for Angels Take Manhattan, and slight hint to Night and the Doctor, River Song in general, and The Name of the Doctor. Enjoy.**

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_Always Alone_

The Doctor stood at the console, back facing the doors, idling flipping a toggle switch. This was the last time he would see her. They had just gotten back from the Singing Towers of Delirium. He had cried, just like she said he would. He didn't want to let her go.

"Sweetie?" River asked from the open doors that led into her apartment. "Are you going to be alright?"

The Doctor nodded, still not facing his wife. Her heels clicked across the glass floor and she pulled him into a hug, holding him tight.

"I could stay another couple of weeks, if you'd like."

The Doctor pulled back, faced her and shook his head. "You have a job to get back to Professor River Song. A job that will offer you _grand_ opportunities. Besides, I think we've traveled together enough for right now, don't you think?"

River smiled sadly at her husband. "It'll be okay, Doctor, I promise you." She pulled him back into a hug. He buried his head into her shoulder and curls, wrapping his arms tight around her waist. She whispered into his ear. "I know you're still hurting from Manhattan. It may seem like the end of the universe now, but they'll always hold a special place in our hearts. Amy and Rory Williams—"

"Pond," the Doctor interjected.

"Pond," River amended, "live on in us, the stories we'll tell, the stories told, and most importantly, the world's they've saved."

He squeezed her and pulled back, kissing his wife. They broke apart; she laid a hand on his cheek; he leaned into the touch and held his hand over hers. River smiled and slipped her hand out from under his, fixed his bowtie, and left the TARDIS for the last time.

A tear slipped down the Doctor's cheek and he threw his ship back into the Time Vortex with an angry shove to the lever. He wiped away the tear and pulled another switch.

They leave. They _always_ leave! Why couldn't ONE companion, just _one_, stay with him without being forced away by some outside force? He kicked the console and the ship whined in protest at her thief's rough treatment of her controls.

Everyone he loved leaves him in the end. It was fact. The first and last constant of his universe. Rule One.

The Doctor scowled and balled his fists. He couldn't save Rose or Donna. He turned Martha into a soldier. He couldn't even save his granddaughter from his own people. His entire planet. Gone. Lost to Time and the ever present threat of the Daleks. He sacrificed them all to save the universe. He was alone. He had been barely holding it together while River was around. Another tear slipped down his cheek.

No.

_NO!_

They were still alive. Somewhere, in the past. He would save them. The Girl who Waited and her Last Centurion.

The Doctor spun the wibbly lever, pumped a few handles, turned on the blue boringers, and, for added measure, turned _off_ the breaks. He would need all the stabilization and control he could get. He set the blue time machine to land in New York 1938 and engaged the drive.

The TARDIS bucked, sending her insane pilot flying. This idea was suicide. If he managed to get them to New York, as impossible as that is, she would be out of fuel. They would be stuck. He didn't care.

The Time Lord scrambled back to the console and flicked a few switches. A few connections below the floor sparked and broke. One set fire to the wall.

"Come on, Sexy. We can do it. I know we can."

The TARDIS groaned, Cloister Bell clanging out in warning.

"We do this, and you an take us wherever, when ever you want. I won't fight you!" The TARDIS tilted, a pipe burst, and buttons flicked of their accord. "Come on!"

He ran around the console, keeping a hold of the edge to prevent himself being thrown clear across the room. He reached down and pulled out his own hammer, banging it on the controllers. Bits broke off and rolled under the floor. Another bit of the console sparked.

The Doctor screamed in fury and pulled the engine lever all the way down, not giving the old girl time to warm up. Lightening arched out of the Time Rotor and towards the outer walls. Clumps of ceiling fell down on the pilot and fueled the fire growing below the cracking glass floor.

The TARDIS lunged out of the Vortex and materialized over Victorian London. She spun down from above the cloud cover, crashing into rooftops and threw her thief into the lower part of the console room. She landed on a deserted street corner, sending the leftover rainwater into the air, only for it to slam back down on the ground a second later and soak the blue doors of the police box.

Smoke from the fires and various broken connections filled the console room causing the Doctor to start choking on the air.

"No!" he coughed out. "We have to go back!" He rushed up the crumbling steps and pushed useless buttons and levers. Some broke off at his touch. His eyes watered and he coughed harshly. The TARDIS whined. "Fix yourself later, we have to go back _now_!"

The TARDIS disconnected a pipe that swung down and hit the Doctor, pushing him closer to the door. He dodged the next swinging cord. "Please, Sexy, please. We have to save them! We can't leave them!" The Cloister Bell rang out. "Anything! I'll do anything!"

Someone knocked on the door. "Doctor!" they called. The TARDIS lit up.

"No!" he yelled. "I'm not getting anyone else involved. Don't you start with that."

The TARDIS changed the artificial gravity settings, making her thief fly into the air and then fall towards the doors when she turned it back on but put the floor at different coordinates. She flung open the doors and the Doctor flew out onto Madame Vastra and Jenny.

He scrambled out of the pile and pulled on the now shut doors. "No, no, no, no, no! Open up!" He jammed his key into the lock. It didn't turn. "You can't do this! We have to go back! Open the doors, now!" The light on the top lit up and died. "My own good?! You damn machine! You were trouble from the minute I stole you! I knew I shouldn't have listened to that blasted girl! Let me in, let me in!" He kicked the side.

He stood panting in front of the doors, hands fisted at his sides, head bent low. Tears trickled down his cheeks.

"Doctor?" Jenny asked.

The Doctor sank down to the floor, back against the door; he pulled his knees into his chest and hugged them close. Water seemed through his ruined suit, not that he cared anymore. He couldn't hold it in any longer and started sobbing into his knees, threading his hands through his hair to clench at his head.

Never again. Never again would he put himself through this pain. He wouldn't travel with anyone ever again. He couldn't be put though this much pain and loss again and again.

"Doc—" Jenny was cut off.

"Go back to the house with Strax, and find the Doctor some clean clothes. We'll follow later," Vastra said. Jenny walked away.

Vastra sat down next to the Doctor on the wet London ground and pulled the distraught Time Lord into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly.

"Just let it all out, Doctor. I'm here for you. I'm here. You can stay as long as you like. You're always welcome to stay with us." He nodded and grabbed onto the Reptilian detective. "I'm here."

_The End._

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**And then series 7 goes on as normal. reviews and favorites make me smile. thanks for reading.  
~Lord Rebecca-sama**


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